If you’re gay and have a Facebook account, you have no doubt been mildly intrigued/mystified/scared by the ads for Atlantis Gay Cruises. Unfortunately, our consumer pull hasn’t yet led them to invite Rentist on a free cruise (this may, on reflection, be more due to our pallid complexions) - however, we were able to get a report from Friend of Rentist, K. le Chef, when he recently went on the sort of cruise Jessica Fletcher would be sniffing around on… Read on for tales of what happens when you mistakenly do the Phillipino pool-boy…
Ever Wonder… The GUM Clinic
Posted by on November 12, 2009
Following our Pulitzer-prize nominated investigation of what it’s really like to go to a sauna, we recently received some intel from a close confidante about what it’s really like to go into the GUM clinic. Yes, obviously, we lead glamorous, highly sexed lives & we follow medical advice to get a “check up” once every six months (ahem) - but when our undercover agent reported a ‘burning sensation’, we knew we had the perfect stooge…
Rentist: we do the hard work, so you don’t have to.
If you have any stories from trips to the clap-haus, holler at us in the comments box.
Loyalgay Card - Shopping With the Rentist
Posted by on October 06, 2009
To build on the fantastic success of our outrageously well-kept blog, we’ve decided to introduce our very own version of the Nectar card - the Loyalgay Card. And inspired by the desire to attract the legions of Rentist readers, it seems shops are upping the Fag Factor.
For example, check out the Marc & Amanda-esque banter we overheard from Faggy Assistant Sam & his Fag-Hag Accomplice in Oxford Street’s American Apparel:
Would You Do… Caster Semenya?
Posted by on August 25, 2009
Rocketing to gold in the Berlin 800m, to the top of the ‘Most Read’ section of the news-sites, and to the forefront of the slightly less exciting gender debate, this 18 year old South African is a controversial choice for episode three of the ‘Would You Do…’ game. Why? Well, at this moment we can answer ‘because she’s a girl’, but that could all change. So we leave it to you to answer… would you do Caster Semenya?
More pics & analysis after the jump…
Kanye Quashes The Rumours with ‘Quadruple Beard’
Posted by on July 06, 2009
On the evidence of last night’s performance in Hyde Park, the Rentist has obviously hurt Kanye West’s feelings. Not content with mentioning pneumatic beauty Kim Kardashian in pretty much every single song he’s done in 12 months (the American equivalent of going out with Emma Bunton), the man decided to personally address our allegations in the only way he knows how - musical theatre.
Examine, if you will, this photographic evidence from his latest touring production in which the Yeezy surrounds himself for the last 40 minutes by what can best be described as eight breasts:
Would You Do… Mahmoud Ahmadinejad?
Posted by on June 09, 2009
OK, the name is a bit of a mouthful (repeat that in your best Kenneth Williams voice) and he is currently battling to remain as the President of Iran, so he probably doesn’t have much spare time. But we still have to ask - would you do Mahmoud Ahmadinejad?
In-depth political analysis after the jump…
Sauna first time Q&A: ‘The rooms are a bit like at Ibis’
Posted by on May 04, 2009
A friend of ours - of otherwise impeccable morals - got trashed one afternoon and ended up at Chariots in Vauxhall. After he’d cleaned up, we asked him what it was like.
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Please could you walk us through the whole ‘customer experience’. Starting at the front desk/reception - what did you say?
‘Two adults please’. There was a sheet of paper stuck to the desk that said concessions were available, but it wasn’t clear who was entitled. The HIV-free? Children? I thought best pay the full price.
Who was on the desk?
Some thin, tanned chap who handed over the two towels - two towels each - and a couple of other ‘heavies’ guarding the door. I say heavies, I mean gym bunnies.
Rentist Games: ‘Would You Do..?’
Posted by on April 18, 2009
Probably not a contender for Scrabble or Monopoly (although less likely to lead to board-shutting tantrums), it’s the latest game sweeping the Rentist office*: ‘Would You Do..?’ The idea is simple - considering all the available options, would you do [insert name of person/fictional character/under-age sports star]?
So to get the ball rolling, here’s round one: would you do the man from the Scott’s Porridge Oats box?
Analysis after the jump…
Amazon not evil, just fooled by trolls. Now can we gays grow up and show some fucking perspective?
Posted by on April 13, 2009
This has not yet been confirmed by Amazon, but a well-known troll has published a convincing mea culpa about the gay books censorship storm. He claims to have exploited Amazon’s ”report as inappropriate” feature and his own coding knowledge to spam the retailer with complaints about queer titles. This - he alleges - is what caused hundreds of books to lose their sales ranking, making them less visible in searches and bestseller lists.
I’m no programmer, but the explanation tastes truthier than the “Evil Amazon Hates Gays” hysteria that took over Twitter yesterday. That otherwise-wonderful platform may lend itself to self-righteous posing, but it’s still unsettling to see so many people (9,000 signed a fucking petition in a day) leap to conclusions despite huge logical flaws in the allegations.
As another blogger, who seemed to be in on the trolling, wrote:
Now, let’s just put ourselves in Amazon’s shoes. Keep in mind that Amazon is a smug, fairly liberal company headquartered in fucking Seattle of all places and, last I checked, Jeff Bezos is not exactly a Christian fundamentalist. Why on earth would they suddenly censor only a specific group of content that deals with a marginalized and politically active community? Why would this policy change not take the form of a specific policy, but rather of very discriminately flagging only certain titles as “adult” content? Why would this happen over a weekend?
Amazon ‘bans’ pisspoor gay romantic fiction
Posted by on April 12, 2009
Well that’s if you believe some bloggers and the whole of Twitter (#amazonfail). Picking through the scant detail, it seems that Amazon actually acted to withdraw all adult-themed books from its sales rankings and a lot of cockteasy not-rotic gay titles were caught up in the clumsy sweep.
This book is not porn. NOT PORN
Books called things like ”First Awakening”, “Finding Larry” and “Simon’s Secret”, books with nipples and torsos on their front covers, books that market themselves discretely but obviously as 180 page filth romps only to reveal themselves on reading to be hammy nonsense about feelings and emotional journeys and “relationships”. Books written by Dan Brown’s gayer, soppier, dumber brother.